Bald Paul – Summer 2004

Any aerodynamic advantage gained by the streamlined cranium is instantly counteracted by the onset of middle age. History has proven that pear-shaped competitors are rarely contenders. This will be no exception. If the arthritis or cataracts don't guarantee his failure to score a single point on the day then the weeping haemorrhoids will certainly terminate any chance of appearing on the rostrum. Any handicap requested should be granted without consideration.

Greatest sporting achievement: His empty trophy cabinet tells it's own story.

Chances: Purely here to ensure that Nick does not come dead last.